Wednesday, May 21, 2014

My Insecurities

The other day I stumbled across a blogger who posted about her insecurities. I wish I could find her now to give her the credit for the inspiration behind this post. 

Some of these insecurities are slowly breaking down, while others are not. This post is not a pity party. I have worked hard to have a decent self esteem and I really am so blessed with the life I have. Seriously don't deserve it. But I also believe in the power of change and when I expose myself it's a step towards that change. And since us women like to compare our insecurities to others strengths. Here's my list to compare. And maybe you have some of the same feelings as I do so here's proof you are definitely not alone. 

1. My lower jaw. I am on the verge of having an underbite. My profile has always accentuated this jaw of mine. And I cannot ever watch myself talk because all I see is an awkward mouth moving with a large jaw. So I will never be a YouTube phenomenon. 

2. My figure. Or lack thereof. I have no hips. And I have no waist. They just blend together. Which leads to my next insecurity. 

3. My lack of motivation to work out. So many mommas out there love going to the gym, running, exercising, etc. I am totally content going on my daily walks thanks to my lovely and talented neighbor Julie. And then coming home to Angie's kettle corn and a diet coke. Yet there is a major part of me that's super insecure I am not motivated to work out. Because I feel like to be a good mother I should have that routine. Because exercising makes you happier right? I'll stick with my 45 min. Speed walks. When it's warm outside. 

4. My lack of hobbies. Some moms have these fabulous hobbies. When asked that question, here's my response: "I played tennis in high school but don't play more than a couple times a year now. I ski... Well I used to. I haven't been in 3+ years so that probably doesn't count anymore. You could blame my hip surgery on this but probably not since it was almost 10 years ago. I scrapbook occasionally. I surprisingly have started Maggie's book but my creativity level could never match my mothers. So that leaves me with... Tv binging? Like as in 10 episodes of this season of Survivor in one that's embarrassing to admit. 

5. I am a stay at home mom to one child and I have no side business or part time real world job. Most of my days are spent... watching tv and playing with Maggie. And occasionally cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming. And if I make dinner it's a miracle. Like tonight, dinner was canned chicken I grilled in a frying pan with some spices. And then tossed with a bagged Caesar salad. Now it was yummy. And easy. And my one dinner I'll make for the week. 

6. My memory. I am reminded daily by Colonel Brandon that I have a horrible memory. I really don't remember much. So I don't remember amazing childhood experiences that people tell to inspire and entertain. So basically I can never be all sentimental by bringing up find memories I've shared with friends and family. Maybe I need to do that one diet of fasting every other day to improve my memory. Dad, does it really work?

7. My laziness. I don't go hiking on the weekends. I don't complete DIY projects to beautify my home. I don't exercise. I don't plan fun outings or parties. The end. 

8. I majored in English and I am not an avid reader, amazing writer, or grammartorian. Don't think I need to expand on that. 

9. I say things before I think and have embarrassed myself too many times to count. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes. It's not. 

10. My bald spot. I had stitches when I was three. And the scar is near a cowlick at the back of my head so the majority of the time you can see it enough to the point of receiving the nickname baldy. 

So there you have my top 10. Think of this as another edition of #mylifeunstaged. 


~April~ said...

We should be great friends! I feel the same way about so many of those things! I like reading your blog. And I think you're great!

m & k said...

I love this. Your insecurities are someone elses & someone else envies you for your greatness! Which you have so much of. We should have a giant scrapbook night. I have like 3 years of pics to scrapbook. :)

Juliette said...

Loved this post! I have a million insecurities! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. And it was a fun surprise being mentioned here. :) PS I've never noticed the jaw thing. I hated my nose for years but have made peace with it for the most part. We are too hard on ourselves. :)

Brett and Staci said...

Emily, seriously, you have been my admiration from the start!! You can see the love you have for children in your eyes and countenance and your teaching abilities are so confident and wonderful! Thanks for being such a good example to me!! I'm really sad that you're moving! Stay you, please!

LauraP said...

I wish we were neighbors because our lives sound very similar!! I have no hobbies either. I HATE that question. I usually put skiing even though I go once a year now. Maybe this is why I started a garden... But I don't think it will grow! And hey you worked for the first few months of Maggie's life! That counts. AND 45 min walks count as exercise! Exercising with your baby and friends is the best kind.

Courtney said...

You are amazing, Emily! There are so many things I admire you for its hard to imagine you could have any insecurities. But I suppose our insecurities are what make us human. And like the others that commented, my day is not much different than yours. I'm finding more and more just how similar we all are, even when it seems we are completely different. We all have difficult trials, weaknesses, and insecurities. But on top of that we are all beautiful, talented, smart, and wonderful. We just all show it a little differently.

Adrienne Palmer said...

I hate working out and only do it (just recently) so I can drink my DP, eat the bag of purple skittles and not get a vegetable in at all during the week. And you are one of the most creative people I know and I don't know what you are talking about with your jaw and your bald spot.

collinanddani said...

Ok so this is embarrassing to admit, but sometimes I look in the mirror and push my chin forward so I can look like you. And you are brave. I don't think I could tell the world my insecurities. I just tell you half of them and then you give me pep talks and make it all better. One more interesting thing. Most of the things you listed are what I compare myself to in you. Does that make sense? If not I'll explain later.

Jules said...

That's funny, I've always thought you were super cool! (And I still do, btw.) I thought you were still doing some work from home, but now I'll probably come knock on your back sliding door, or just our shared wall, and have y'all over to hang out and do nothing with me

Molly Seawright said...

This post sounds all too familiar. I know I don't have a baby, but I'm honestly counting on that to be a reason for me to stay home. Is that horrible? I don't want to work anymore. You're incredible, Emily. I wish I could explain to you just how much I admire you! I always have. Most of these insecurities, I never would have guess or I completely adore them. I've wished so many times that I could look more like you, act more like you, have your ambition. To me, you've always had a gentle confidence that I admire so much. You're so great to post #mylifeunstaged and your honestly and "rawness" is just one more thing I admire!