Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Don't like them much right now

I always thought I wanted to be an English intern like some of my favorite teachers growing up. I was going to be fabulous. Young, vibrant, energetic. Then I went to college year after year. I was so not as cool as the other people in my program. I made a decision to be a student teacher rather than an intern. I was too busy with work and school and I didn't feel like I had the grades or the cheery personality. 

Then in April I was approached by one of my professors and the English Ed. secretary. Another internship had opened at Mapleton Jr. High and they thought I was the perfect candidate (since I was 1 of 3 people in my program not interning it wasn't that amazing...) 

I was flattered really. Brandon was finishing law school and hadn't yet found a job, so I figured we'd be staying in Utah and I'd be making money for a year. Very little money, but money nonetheless. I interviewed and was thrilled. I filled out the paperwork at the district and I told my boss I'd be done in August. 

Then last week another decision. 

I was given an offer. An offer I could not refuse. 

This offer would still allow me to student teach for three months and have a full time position at the company I've been with for the last two years when I got done in November. 

 I still get to graduate. 

 I will make more than double I would as an intern. 

I will have greater job security. 

Way way way less stressful because I will just get to keep doing what I've been doing. 

 And I would be happy doing Human Resources or teaching. I really do enjoy them both equally and for different reasons. 

 I weighed the pros and cons. I talked to lots of people and all of them saw this new offer as a better offer. 

But could I really give up teaching? And give up on the rewarding job I have worked so hard to finally get? 

 I am not giving up teaching. 

I'm still graduating in teaching and maybe someday I will teach full time. But right now will not be that time. 

I then had to tell the district, the principal, and the English Ed. secretary of the change. 

Now I'm dealing with the guilt. I hate that I am being told my contract was "binding." And their are no interns left. And the budget is already set in stone. 

 Really? changes and decisions happen all the time. 

I hope three months will give the district enough time to find my replacement. 

 But for now the decision to stay on as HR director is my decision. 

And I am happy with it. I just hope this (big) decision making phase ends sooner rather than later.


Lesa said...

You know Emily, I'm not at all surprised employers are fighting over you. You're that good... Do what's best for your family and don't feel guilty. And Congratulations!

LauraP said...

Ugh I feel your pain about making decisions.... sometimes it is so hard and I just wish the right choice was chosen for me! Working in HR but still student teaching sounds like the best of both worlds so hopefully they can find someone to replace you. With my work I also had to deal with a "binding contract" but staying home being a mom and moving so Clark doesn't have to commute was the best decision for us. I know it will all work out for you! Good Luck

m & k said...

Good for you Emily! :) I hate having to choose.. but in the end you gotta do whats best for you!

wisp said...

Decisions can be such torture. x.x When looking at your options if there's one you want to do and one you "should" want to do, go with the one you really want. :) Since I've stopped worrying about "supposed to" so much, I've had less stress with my own decisions. I changed my major back in the day and later wondered if I "shouldn't" have, but it honestly wouldn't change my situation now and I loved the time I spent in Geology, so, no regrets. I think you made the right choice and that it is awesome that you are wanted by two different employers. Sometimes decisions we make cause other people to be unhappy, but those are the breaks. You did what you feel is best for you and your family and that's what matters. =)